February 18, 2003. I've been trying to go swimming lately. Swimming is one of those things that I know is good for me, and good exercise, and much easier on my body and joints than other forms of exercise might be. The problem was, I hated it. I like being in water, but the whole process of doing laps and breathing at the same time just never worked for me. I could only concentrate on one aspect of swimming at a time, so I would pay attention to the breathing (so as not to die), while essentially flailing and thrashing in the water in an attempt to swim to the end of the lap lane without stopping, and without veering into the adjacent lane. I noticed that the lifeguards always stood suddenly when I got in the pool.
Until now! For Christmas, Dave got me a swimmer's snorkel (and yes, it took me almost two months to work up the nerve to try swimming again). And now I actually love swimming! This handy little device works like a regular snorkel, except the snorkel part goes up the middle of your face, so it doesn't get in the way of your arms while you're swimming. It makes such a huge difference for me. Now I can concentrate on swimming and my form, which still isn't fabulous, but I'm not trying to win any races, just keep swimming for 45 minutes or so. The other really nice thing about the snorkel is that, because you don't lift your head at all to breathe, your ears are underwater the whole time, and all you hear is your own nice Darth-Vader-like breathing. Very calming, and much more meditative than my previous splash-n-flail methods. Plus, the time actually goes quickly now, where before, I would be in the pool for three minutes and it would seem like two days.
The only funny thing is that you look just a wee bit insane. What with swimming face down with a snorkel and all. There was one day when Dave and I were sharing a lane because the pool was crowded (he uses a snorkel too) and I'm sure we looked like bizarre aliens visiting from Planet Snorkel. But it's so much more comfortable, and so much more fun to swim, that I simply don't care. Plus, I think everyone is actually very envious.
February 3, 2003. So. The supermarket we go to is one of those where you have the little card, and the only way to get the sale price is to use their little card. And, of course, the card tracks all your purchases. It's not a Safeway, so at least they don't feel the need to address you by name. I do have some issues with the thought of them tracking my purchases, but hey, the prices are good, it's convenient to our house, the aisles are nice and wide, and it doesn't look like the produce has been rotting slowly since Clinton was in office. There is a vigilant non-card market, but their produce is old and the aisles are roughly a foot and a half wide.
One of the "benefits" of their little store card is that, by tracking your purchases, they can give you specialized coupons at the register that they think you might use. I'll have to admit that this part of it all is fascinating to me. We mainly get coupons for paper towels, cat litter, and applesauce. Sometimes the person in line before me forgets to get their coupons, and the cashier gives me theirs. Most of the other peoples' coupons are for soda and Doritos, which of course makes me feel superior. Heh.
Anyway, so Dave went to the grocery store last week, and at the register, was given this coupon:
Yes, that's right. A coupon for Beano. Apparently our regular purchases of broccoli, cabbage, beans, quinoa, and tofu bumped us right into the "these people must have gas" category. Lovely! What are the cashiers thinking? Everyone else gets 7-Up coupons, and we're given this toxic slip of paper asking us to just imagine, for one moment, what life would be like without our embarrassing gas.
What I'd like to tell them is that, if you eat the healthy foods all the time, you don't have gas. Ah, well. We'll forever be pegged for our gaseousness, I'm afraid. What's next? Zit cream? Anti-bloat pills? Finishing school? I can't wait to see what coupon niche our crazy healthy purchases put us into next.
